I’ve been married for rather a long time now. I got married in *cough* 1992 – waaaay back when I was just a mere child of 18.
Yet somehow, here we are about to hit our 23 year anniversary (and 25 years together!), and are still sickeningly content together; clearly we’re getting something right along the way.
When we were planning our wedding, we had to go and chat to the minister of our church. He told us something that always stayed in my brain; married couples mostly argue about two things.
Money and sex.
I laughed at the time… but over the years, it’s amazing how often he’s been right. So many complicated fights can be boiled down to one of those two factors.
The money thing is an enduring stress, of course. As for so many couples, one day we’re absolutely sure we’ll ‘make it’, and in the meantime we’re doing okay; better than some, worse than others. And our lifestyle choices mean that there’s a whole heap of good stuff to counter-balance the all-too-frequently scary bank balance (or lack thereof).
And as for the sex thing – well, if I’m honest we have a pretty bloody good physical relationship too.
I saw a comment on an online conversation a few months ago which made me deeply sad – it was a private chat between various 40-something women, talking about their sex drive, and how it had been affected as they grew older. One of the participants stated that she had practically zero interest in sex these days but that she ‘took one for the team every couple of weeks’.
I was so sad – on so many levels.
Sex is, after all, bloody fabulous.
And if your interest has waned – which happens to everyone, for any number of reasons – then surely quietly accepting this and just hoping it will all go away soon is a hideous way to deal with it?
And what about the poor husband? How would he feel, knowing he’s being donated an occasional pity-shag?
The absolute best sex has happened for me as the husband and I have grown older together. Yes, I know the old saying that familiarity breeds contempt. But that’s only if you let it! Being comfortable and secure in your relationship means you can take risks, be adventurous, try stuff out – it always feels okay. And if it all goes horribly wrong (painting a body in chocolate then licking it off sounded awesome. Don’t. Your tongue feels like it’ll fall off when you’re only half way, you’ll feel sick before you’re anywhere near actually having sex, and you won’t be able to eat Nutella for weeks…), then the laughter is the best aphrodisiac there can be.
Along the adventure, you find the stuff that really works for you both. And great sex isn’t just… great. It’s great for your relationship too.
‘All the evidence points to the fact that an active sex life keeps couples together,’ says Dr Geoff Hackett, a leading expert in sexual medicine and former chairman of the British Society for Sexual Medicine. ‘It promotes intimacy, reassurance, the realisation that both parties are wanted and needed. It is hard to find researched evidence, but most surveys point to the fact that a lack of sex in a relationship is a leading factor in break-ups.
‘Once the sex goes, so many other problems follow. It has also been proven that couples — especially men — will live longer, happier lives if they remain in a steady, loving relationship. There is no doubt that a healthy sex life is one of the most important factors in a thriving and successful marriage.’
So when Durex asked if our readers might be interested in winning a luxury weekend break for two, I thought you just might like me to say yes.
Come on – a weekend away to re-kindle that passion? Who’s going to say no to that?
All they want to know is the answer to a simple question – do you own a sex toy?
(and don’t worry, there’s no need to say how many, or what type… *shoves small discreet box carefully back under the bed*. That information is just for you and your partner)
So just head on over to the Durex site, and answer the simple question to be in with a chance of winning a Luxury Hotel Break For Two courtesy of Red Letter Days; and four runners up will receive a Durex Extreme Thrill Rabbit vibrator!