Carless Whispers – In which Keris says hello to her new car. *sniff*
Yes, it’s been a while, but this is the very last in our Carless Whispers series, in which Keris went from two cars to no cars inside a fortnight – and so decided to save the money and remain carless. You can go back and see the series here if you’ve missed it – but here’s the Very Last One. *sob*
I’m not sure whether it was the week with the Skoda Roomster, the relentless rain, or the prospect of another snowy winter, but I finally had to accept it was time for our carless experiment to come to an end.
We lasted out for over a year, which is much longer than I ever would have imagined we could manage without a car and I am actually glad we did it. You could read back over the columns to find out why, but I know you’re busy so I’ll just summarise:
- The boys got used to public transport. It was often a massive pain in the backside, but I think it was good for them to have the experience of waiting. And of other (sometimes unpleasant, sometimes drunk) people.
- Walking the school run made me fitter, but I didn’t actually lose any weight. Possibly because I often stopped at the newsagents. In both directions. On both journeys. Ahem.
- The conversations with the boys while walking the school run made the whole thing worthwhile. We talked about everything, we laughed, we sang, we even danced. And we saw lots of wildlife and other things (like the plumber’s van with a trompe l’oeil door featuring the bottom half of the plumber sitting on the loo) that we probably would never have seen from the car.
So we bought a car. Second-hand obviously – and sadly not a Skoda Yeti – but it’s rather lovely all the same.
There were a few teething problems: the inside lights didn’t go out, the back wiper didn’t work, the battery ran out as I was driving home and I mounted the kerb while squeaking out a swear, but it was all sorted out quickly and easily (albeit expensively) and now we’re fully mobile again.
And honestly? It’s so much better.
Read MoreThe one where Keris tries the Skoda Roomster
(And no, don’t you dare click away in boredom at a CAR review – this was written by Keris so you just KNOW it’ll be worth a quick squizz through…)
After falling so much in love with the Skoda Yeti, we were all very excited about the prospect of the Skoda Roomster. As wonderful as the Yeti is, we thought it was maybe a bit too big for us and that the Roomster would be more fitting. We looked at it online and squeaked about the big windows and the concept of separate “rooms” for the grown-ups and kids (I may have over-played this in my head – I practically had it as a little house on wheels).
So when it arrived, we couldn’t wait to test it out. I picked Harry up from school and he said, “How about we go for a little drive in the country?” So we did. And we really liked it – honestly – but it just didn’t compare to the Yeti for a few reasons:
1. No map. The Yeti has a built-in satnav that Harry and Joe adored. They loved watching the progress of our car and when the Roomster arrived the first thing Harry asked was “where’s the map?” No map.
2. It was roomy, yes, but it didn’t seem any roomier than the Yeti. Also I didn’t really get the rooms concept. It just seemed like, you know, a car.
3. It was noisy. Now that Harry is really tall, he likes to sit in the front so one day I let him sit in the front while David was driving, which meant I sat in the back with Joe. And I couldn’t believe how noisy it was. I do think we were driving on particularly rattley roads, but even so.
Like the Skoda, there were lots of things we liked – huge boot with a pull-down handle and little “fireplace” for stopping the shopping rolling around. The extra-big windows in the back were great – on the night I sat in the back I noticed how bright the stars were and we drove to somewhere completely dark to let the boys have a look. I never would have noticed that with normal-sized windows. (In contrast, I found the windscreen really small. I’m only short, but I found myself leaning forward and peering over the steering wheel like a mole.)
(no Keris post is complete without the obligatory Cute Factor from her boys...)
So all in all, we enjoyed it, but we didn’t LURVE it like the Yeti. In fact, when it went back Harry said, “Bye, Roomster. When are we getting a Yeti?”
(Skoda Roomsters start at £11,775.00 ‘On The Road’)
–
Keris Stainton
OUT NOW! Jessie Hearts NYC <http://www.amazon.co.uk/Jessie-Hearts-NYC-Keris-Stainton/dp/1408304287/containsmil04-21>
“A breezy summer rom-com, with oodles of New York glamour.” The Bookseller
Twitter @keris
KerisStainton.com
Girls ? Books
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Carless Whispers – In which Keris thinks about cars.
In case you’re new around here, the lovely Keris Stainton writes a (sporadic) column for us, called Carless Whispers – describing life as she unwillingly swapped two cars for NO cars. If you want to catch up, you might want to go back to the beginning… start at the bottom and scroll up…)
We’ve been on holiday. Yes, we’re still carless, but we didn’t use public transport – that would be impossible. Yeah, okay, not impossible, but hugely inconvenient. Actually getting to the destination would be fine, but days out? Not so much fun. So we hired a car (from *cough* here http://www.intack.co.uk/ *cough*).
David went to pick it up and as soon as I saw it I said, “Two doors?”
“Oh crap,” he said. “I didn’t even notice.”
“You mean you noticed, but you didn’t like to say?” I said, because I’ve known him for 17 years. But, no, he claims he really didn’t notice.
I thought about sending him back with a flea in his ear, but I decided that if we managed fine with the Fiat 500, we’d manage fine with this. And we did.
Harry and Joe were delighted to have a car again. Joe greets every car we get – whether a hire car or a review car – with an enthusiastic “New car!” (he still shouts “new car!” at every white Fiat 500 he sees) whereas Harry, while happy enough with any car, is still pining for the Skoda Yeti. (I am a bit myself, I must admit. I have no idea what our financial situation will be next year – when we absolutely HAVE to buy a car – but I’m really hoping we’ll be able to stretch to a Yeti.)
The thing about hiring a car for a week and taking it on holiday is that by the time we got back it was like a dustbin on wheels. Honestly, I’ve never seen anything like it, not in such a short amount of time.
Yes, we started off limiting what the boys could have to eat/drink in the car, but we soon gave up on that in favour of Keeping Them Quiet, so even though we told them to be careful, there was spilled drink, apple cores, banana skins, melted ice creams, chips, mud, sand… it was not pretty.
But it made me think again about how much our old car – my Daewoo – was almost like a portable home. Books and DVDs in the door pockets, pram and wellies and kites in the boot, Halo James in the cassette deck (What? It was the only place I could play it).
That little bit of house-on-wheels is one of the things I miss the most.
–
Keris Stainton
OUT NOW! Jessie Hearts NYC <http://www.amazon.co.uk/Jessie-Hearts-NYC-Keris-Stainton/dp/1408304287/containsmil04-21>
“A breezy summer rom-com, with oodles of New York glamour.” The Bookseller
Twitter @keris <http://www.twitter.com/keris>
My website http://www.keris-stainton.com
Carless Whispers – In Which Keris Contemplates Car Ownership
Now that there’s a possibility of us getting a car in the near(ish) future, I’m flip-flopping. I definitely thing the benefits of being carless have outweighed the drawbacks. Possibly. Most of the time anyway.
On the plus side, there’s the exercise we’re all getting; the extra time that I spend with the boys, chatting about our day, spotting things on the canal – in fact, just to think we never would have seen the dozens and dozens of ducklings we’ve spent the last few weeks feeding is enough to convince me that we’re better off not having a car.
But then there’s the fact that we haven’t been able to really go anywhere. The upside of that is that we’ve spent less money and enjoyed our immediate area much more than I would have thought, but we haven’t been able to visit family or just take off for the day if we needed a break or the weather was particularly nice.
And then there have been the other little inconveniences: running out of food, having to do our “big shop” online and remember to pick up milk whenever we see it; the grandparents always having to collect and return the boys when they go to stay; not being able to go out for dinner since there are no good restaurants within walking distance (or even on a bus route).
The best thing has almost certainly been the saving money-wise. Cars are so ridiculously expensive to buy and run and now that we’ve started talking about buying a new one, the thought of how much it will add to our budget is enough to bring me out in hives. In fact, I do wonder if it would be better to stay carless as long as possible (there’s no way we could manage without one once David’s office moves next year). Couldn’t we just try to manage as locally as possible and hire a car whenever we need to go further afield? But then I think about how much better life was when we had the Skoda and I change my mind again.
Maybe I’ll toss a coin…
–
Keris Stainton
Debut novel DELLA SAYS: OMG! out now
“Confidence-boosty sex-positive first love goodness. This could be the Forever of the 21st century, girls…” - Susie Day, author of Big Woo! and Girl Meets Cake
http://www.twitter.com/keris
http://www.keris-stainton.com
http://www.thebigzeroes.co.uk
Ready for Ten
Funniest Car Review you’ll ever read – The Skoda Yeti Review
Remember our Carless Whispers column from Keris? Well, she’s not been officially ‘carless’ for a few weeks, thanks to those magically marvellous people at Skoda who decided to loan her a car. They didn’t ask for a review of the Skoda Yeti they sent her – they asked for no recognition at all in fact. Did I mention how much we love the Skoda PR team? But Keris felt obliged to let them know what she thinks. But no switching off now – this is not a Car Review as you would expect it…
I’ll admit I didn’t know much about Skodas before the Yeti was delivered. I’d had a look at the website and blanched at the size of it – it looked enormous! Outside of driving lessons, I’d only ever driven a Daewoo Matiz, which is basically a Noddy car. I was worried my feet wouldn’t reach the pedals in a 4×4.
Once it arrived, I was really keen to get in and have a go, it’s such a lovely, sturdy-looking car. I didn’t have any problems reaching the pedals – the seat and steering wheel are adjustable (although I did sit on a cushion for a couple of weeks until I realised the seat could be raised as well as scooted forwards) and it’s extremely comfortable to drive.
Having never reviewed a car before – and not being a “petrolhead” (as I believe car people are called) I’ll just tell you what I liked and didn’t like about it. Oh and do bear in mind that lots of the things I’ve been excited about may be standard in cars – my Daewoo didn’t even have central locking, so this was all new to me.
One of the first things we discovered was that you can play DVDs on the dashboard. Not while you’re driving (that wouldn’t be safe), but while parked and waiting. This went down very well with Joe and it was all we could do to remove him from the car for the first few days. Harry also loves the Map and happily watches our little red arrow as it makes its way to our destination.
The parking sensors are really useful – I’d also been worried about parking a car that’s basically twice the size of my previous car. The only problem is that if the sensors started beeping, the boys both get completely overexcited (Joe beeping along with them, Harry shouting “Careful, Middy! You’re too close! MIDDY! TOO CLOSE!”) which generally destroys my concentration. So we’ve spend rather a lot of time going round the block to find a space I can get into without being shrieked at.
We heard about the “Park assist” feature from a friend and while Harry was keen to try it out, I was nervous. (David was clueless, asking, “What? You get OUT of the car and it parks itself?!” No.) Eventually I managed it and we were all delighted as the car reversed into a space while I waved my hands above my head.
What else? Oh, there’s a display behind the steering wheel that tells you what gear you’re in and what gear you should be in. This would have been completely brilliant when I was learning to drive and is pretty useful even now. Although it does seem to want me to be in 6th a surprising amount of the time (and I don’t actually like 6th – I feel like I’m freewheeling). I’ve found this feature to be particularly useful since, unlike the Daewoo, the Skoda’s engine noise doesn’t make it clear when I should be changing gear. I could happily be tootling round in 2nd without even realising.
The front seats are heated, which just seemed like pure luxury after the Daewoo which, on a wet or frosty day, I had to dry ON THE INSIDE. They’re also a source of hilarity to Harry, who likes to shout “Middy! I think your butt’s on fire!” whenever I have three “bars” on. And there’s automatic heating and air conditioning too.
I frequently have bad dreams in which I’m driving in the dark, but have forgotten to put my lights on and am leaving all kinds of chaos in my wake. The Skoda has automatic lights, which come on and turn off when needed. Brilliant.
The boot is big and features a little basket to stop things rolling around. I would have complained that I had to jump up to shut it, but then my sister pointed out the handle for pulling it down… Skoda appear to have thought of everything.
The only issue I’ve had with driving is that I sometimes struggle to find the biting point, as does David. This means that, to begin with, I stalled a stupid number of times, particularly on very slight hills. On one occasion, I stalled dramatically about six times while the boys howled with laughter and shouted “Again! Do that jerking thing again, Middy!”
The only other thing I’d say is that the cup holders are a bit awkwardly positioned. Really, this is a brilliant car.
We’re all going to be sorry to have to give it back. In fact, we’re trying not to think about it since it’s become like a second home (with related mess – Harry asked, “Are you going to get the car cleaned before it goes back?” Yes. Yes, we are.) We’re still not in a position to buy a car, but as soon as we are, we’ll be looking at Skodas. And we’ll never forget our Yeti… *cries* *waves hankie*
–
Keris Stainton
Debut novel DELLA SAYS: OMG! out now
“Confidence-boosty sex-positive first love goodness. This could be the Forever of the 21st century, girls…” - Susie Day, author of Big Woo! and Girl Meets Cake
http://www.twitter.com/keris
http://www.keris-stainton.com
http://www.thebigzeroes.co.uk
Ready for Ten <http://readyforten.com/users/RFTKeris/posts>
Read MoreCarless Whispers (extra) – in which Skoda are really rather lovely.
This is from me (Laura), not Keris – but we wanted to do an extra-ordinary Carless post, to let you know what’s happened this week.
When Keris began writing about the two-cars-to-no-cars situation she found her family in, she presumed she was entertaining LittleStuff’s readers in her usual fashion. She didn’t expect a car manufacturer to notice. She certainly didn’t expect to get back from the school run yesterday to find a new Skoda waiting for her.
Someone on the Skoda team happened to read this particular edition of Carless Whispers. They spoke to the right people, and contacted me, saying they would love to help out. No review request, no PR demands, no press release from their marketing department, not even asking for a suitably placed banner. Just a very lovely set of emails from Pippa at Skoda (mum, two daughters, seems to work late in the evening when they’re in bed… sound familiar?), asking if LittleStuff thought Keris might like to have the use of a car for six weeks, until the weather at least turns warmer.
As Keris said..
So, yesterday, the car landed… Here’s what I heard through the rest of the day…
Although that ‘successfully collected Harry’ part may have been a lie… This is what I received last night by email;
‘…after I picked H up, I spent about five minutes trying to work out how to put the car into reverse, while the woman who’d parked her Smart Car RIGHT UP TO MY FRONT BUMPER frowned at me out of the window of her house. Harry said, “It’s going to take us a looonnnnnnnng time to get home…” :) ‘
and then, about 20 minutes later, excited Keris clearly had more to say..
‘We’ve had a wonderful day! And tomorrow I’m driving myself to Starbucks to read through the first draft of the new book :) Although I do need to change the dashboard settings to mph instead of kmph or I’ll be in trouble…’
Read MoreMeet The Goddess – Keris
Keris was one of our very first Goddesses, and not only does she do them rather well (for a case in point see her classic review of reusable baby wipes). She’s also the author of the Slopsville column on weaning, and the more recent Carless Whispers - which Skoda like so much, they’re lending her a car :). Oh, and I think in real life she has some kind of author thing going on… (do read her Bio on the Amazon page. It will tell you EXACTLY why we *heart* Keris)
So – here’s the world according to Keris…
Hair? Curly
Eyes? Blue
Shoes? No. Stripy socks. Like the witch in The Wizard of Oz.
First job? In a bookshop. Got sacked for taking the day off work after going to see Bros the night before.
What are you reading? A Girl Like You by Gemma Burgess. Utterly wonderful and hilarious.
What do you Neeeeed? A Kate Spade Nook cover for my Kindle. It had better fit.
What do you miss? Philip Schofield and Gordon the Gopher in the broom cupboard.
What do you want for your birthday? To be in New York, baby.
Guilty crush? I generally don’t feel guilty about the weirdos I fancy, but maybe Michael Cera cos I’m old enough to be his mother.
Favourite Quote? “I’m not lying! I’m writing fiction with my mouth.” Homer Simpson
TV highlight of the week? Anything with David Mitchell. And I love Not Going Out (which is handy, cos I never do)
Ice Cream? Ben & Jerry’s Phish Food.
Favourite thing to hate? The Daily Mail.
Favourite day of the year? Today!
Read MoreThe Castle of Courage from ELC
NB – if you’re here looking for the instructions to ELC’s Castle Of Courage, just click here. We found them for you!
I wasn’t sure either of my boys would be interested in the Castle of Courage. Neither of them has shown much interest in any sort of role-play game, but they were both keen to help me get on and build the castle, which was a bit of a challenge…
There are a LOT of pieces, but fortunately the instructions are clear and concise and once I had all the pieces laid out in order – and David had taken Joe away so the pieces wouldn’t all get flung around the room – it was relatively easy to build. It was fun seeing the castle coming together and it looked extremely impressive once built.
Harry particularly loved the working drawbridge and played for ages with the Knights, mainly flinging them off the battlements. Joe loved climbing in and out of the castle and waving the flags. The only problem is that the castle takes up a lot of room. Playing with it one day, Joe realised how easy it was to take apart and had it entirely dismantled in minutes (while Harry screamed and tried to stop him).
We’ll definitely be building it again… once we find the instructions.
Reviewed by Review Goddess Keris…
Who’s debut novel ‘DELLA SAYS: OMG!’ is out now
“Confidence-boosty sex-positive first love goodness. This could be the Forever of the 21st century, girls…” - Susie Day, author of Big Woo! and Girl Meets Cake
http://www.twitter.com/keris
http://www.keris-stainton.com
Benjoy Snacks. Nom nom nom.
I was quite excited when I received the samples of Benjoy’s Multigrain Munchers and Crunchy Grape Slices, even though they weren’t for me. Joe loves to eat in his pram – in fact, the offer of food is how I usually bribe him to get in his pram – so I thought they’d be perfect for when we’re out and about.
I took one of each with us on a trip to one of our favourite places – Williamson Park in Lancaster – and gave him the Multigrain Munchers in the car. The brilliant thing about these snacks is they come in an “anti-spill MUNCHCUP” 
but because I am a bit thick, I opened the first one incorrectly. The anti-spill is a thin plastic film over the food, that’s perforated into quarters. You’re supposed to break the perforation so the child can put his or her hand in and take the food out, but the food doesn’t fall out. Kind of like the brush on a letterbox… I think. Instead, I ripped one of the quarters out, giving Joe a much smaller space in which to put his fingers. To be fair, it seemed to work quite well. He wasn’t mad about the Multigrain Munchers though. A bit later, I gave him the Crunchy Grape Slices and, at the same time, realised how the anti-spill thing actually worked. Joe loved the snack and the cup worked perfectly.
Such a simple but effective idea. We’ll definitely be trying the other flavours.
–
Keris Stainton
Debut novel DELLA SAYS: OMG! out now
“Confidence-boosty sex-positive first love goodness. This could be the Forever of the 21st century, girls…” - Susie Day, author of Big Woo! and Girl Meets Cake
http://www.twitter.com/keris
http://www.keris-stainton.com
Read MoreCarless Whispers – In Which Keris Swears (probably).
So last week I was all smug. Smug about how cool Harry’s been with the whole carless thing, rather than actually being smug about being carless, but still. This week… not so much.
We’ve been lucky for a few weeks in that it hasn’t rained a lot – it’s been absolutely freezing, which has its own challenges (Joe refuses to wear gloves, but then cries because his hands are cold) – but cold trumps wet every time.
The other day, I set off to pick Harry up in a light drizzle. By the time I got to school it was hammering down. And windy too, so my hood kept blowing off. I had to take my glasses off because they were filling up with water like something off a cartoon and the rain was like tiny needles all over my face. (Good for the complexion or not?)
About five minutes from school, Joe decided that he didn’t want his rain cover on anymore. “Don’t be ridiculous,” I told him. “It’s pouring! You’ll get wet.” He seemed to reconsider and, instead, pulled his legs out of his Cosytoes and stuck his socked feet out from under the raincover.
I crouched down and tried to cram them back in, but he went rigid and there was nothing to be done. Crouching in front of a squawking, stubborn toddler, specs in my pocket, rain pouring down my bum cleavage, I thought, “I’m way too old for this crap.”
I trudged on, muttering darkly in Joe’s direction and, when he pulled his socks off and dropped them in the mud, thinking about maybe having a little cry.
Seeing Harry cheered me up and once we were back on the canal path with the wind behind us – no more rain needles! my hood stayed up! – I felt calmer.
“I wish we had a car,” Harry sighed.
“Too effin right,” I thought.
But didn’t say.
Honest.
–
Keris Stainton
(you can read more in the Carless Whispers series by clickety clicking on the image above)
Debut novel DELLA SAYS: OMG! out now
“Confidence-boosty sex-positive first love goodness. This could be the Forever of the 21st century, girls…” - Susie Day, author of Big Woo! and Girl Meets Cake
http://www.twitter.com/keris
http://www.keris-stainton.com
Read MoreCarless Whispers – In Which Keris Finally Feels A Little Bit Smug.
Years ago, I looked after four children – aged 2, 5, 8 and 11 – while their parents were on holiday (I was young, I needed the money…). I had use of the mother’s car, but it had some sort of weird system where, when you stopped the car it had to kind of settle down and because it hadn’t settled before I’d turned the engine off… it broke. (I asked on Twitter what this wonder of technology would have been and the answer is Citroën’s hydropneumatic suspension. You know, if you care.) This meant we had to use the bus.
The children of the (pretty wealthy) family had never used the bus before. Ever. They weren’t keen. They couldn’t believe they had to walk to the bus stop. In fact, they couldn’t believe they had to walk full stop.
So one of the thing that’s really surprised me since we became car-free is how easily Harry’s adapted to it. He’s happy to get the bus and equally happy to walk. He’s also keen to be involved in the purchase of a new car. Walking to school one day last week Harry said, “There’s a car for sale there!” We were in a hurry to get to school so we couldn’t stop, but Harry said, “I didn’t see how much it was. But it was black, I think…” An important detail.
On the way home we stopped to have a look at it (it was blue) and I read the advert out to Harry and explained all about road tax, insurance, MOTs and the expression “two careful lady owners” (I know. But he’s actually quite interested in that kind of thing). We talked about it all the way home. Whether it would be big enough, what car he’d prefer (another Daewoo Matiz) (no chance), what car I’d prefer (a Fiat 500), what car Daddy might like (Who cares? We won’t be getting it). It was his main topic of conversation for quite a few days.
One rainy morning, he said, “I know you like walking… but when we get a car, could we walk when it’s dry and sunny and maybe drive on yucky days like this?” I had to stop and squeeze him.
It’s been so interesting (and a bit trying) managing without a car, but one of the best things about it has been how grown-up Harry’s been about it.
–
Keris Stainton
(you can read more in the Carless Whispers series by clickety clicking on the image above)
Debut novel DELLA SAYS: OMG! out now
“Confidence-boosty sex-positive first love goodness. This could be the Forever of the 21st century, girls…” - Susie Day, author of Big Woo! and Girl Meets Cake
http://www.twitter.com/keris
http://www.keris-stainton.com
Read MoreCarless Whispers – In Which Keris Goes To The Seaside.
One of our favourite days out is to Lytham St Annes. We go every couple of months either to walk around the lake at Fairhaven or go to the pier and the fair at St Annes and it was one of the things I knew we’d miss once the cars went for a burton. It hadn’t occurred to me to try and get there on the train, but thankfully it occurred to David and so one Saturday we announced that we were off to the seaside.
“Are we going in the car?” Harry asked. He’s a bright child. Not so fast on the uptake, it seems.
Harry & Keris (and the fish and chips).
We all bundled up and headed for the station. It’s about a fifteen minute walk from our house, but it’s on the same route as the school run, so it’s a walk we’ve got extremely used to doing. The train journey was great. Whereas in the past, Joe would sit in the back of the car yelling at us, he was happy on the train looking out of the window and being fed a succession of various foodstuffs. The sun was shining, I was reading a book, everyone was happy. I was starting to think there was something in this carless thing after all.
We got to Lytham and had a bit of a wander before heading towards the prom to get fish and chips for lunch. Sitting outside, we’d just opened our mushy peas when Harry said, “That looks like a big cloud!” And it started to rain. Hoods up, raincover on the pram, we ate our fish and chips huddled together for warmth.
“This is when you need a car,” I said. “What are we supposed to do now?”
We finished our lunch and scurried down to the pier where we played air hockey, had a go on a few (small, mild) rides before doing a bit of bowling. By then, the rain had practically stopped and a rainbow across the beach heralded the return of the sun. We walked along the prom, looking out across the twinkling bay. Even though it was still freezing, Harry bought an ice lolly. On the way back to the station, we stopped for coffee and cake.
“We’ve had a lovely time today!” Harry said.
And we had.
Shall I gloss over the bit where the train was late and we waited in the wind and the rain? And the drunk woman who spent half of the (extended due to the adverse weather) journey talking loudly to Joe as if he was a particularly simple-minded budgie -
“You’re very clever,aren’t you? Yes you are. I know. I know. You are. Yes you are. Very clever. Aren’t you? Yes you are! I know!”
And then the walk home from the station in the damp and the cold and the dark? No. It was all part of the fun.
Yes, we seem to be changing our definition of fun…
–
Keris Stainton
Debut novel DELLA SAYS: OMG! out now
“Confidence-boosty sex-positive first love goodness. This could be
the Forever of the 21st century, girls…” – Susie Day, author of Big Woo! and
Girl Meets Cake
http://www.twitter.com/keris
http://www.keris-stainton.com
Read MoreCarless Whispers – In Which Keris Is Banned From Cheese.
One thing we learned pretty quickly on this carless journey of ours is that it’s, well, impossible. We can’t manage without a car. Not all the time, that’s for sure.
One of the first things I thought of after David’s car broke down was a naming ceremony we were due to go to. It was for the baby of two of our closest friends and we really didn’t want to miss it, but it was in a small Yorkshire village, pretty much impossible to get to by public transport.
So David suggested we try a car club. I googled. In case you’re unfamiliar, car clubs allow you to book a car from their fleet for as long or as little as you need it. “All the convenience of a car, without the hassles and expenses of owning one.” Except the closest cars to us are 25 miles away and it would cost us £50 per year to join the club with car rental rates from £39.50 for 24 hours. Call me crazy, but that didn’t actually sound much cheaper than, you know, hiring a car. The old-fashioned way.
There’s actually a reliable car hire company nearby (*cough* Intack Self Drive ) so we got on the phone: £24.90 for 24 hours. And that was for a Chevrolet (formerly Daewoo) Matiz, i.e. the same car I used to have that Harry was missing terribly. We knew he’d be delighted. We booked it.
The weird thing about having a car again was how easily we got used to it, but, at the same time, how indulgent it felt. Years ago I was put on an exclusion diet (they thought I had arthritis – I didn’t) and, after about four weeks of only eating vegetables, I was allowed a little cheese. I was so excited! Cheese! It was suddenly the most delicious thing in the world! I couldn’t believe I was allowed to eat it. Well, having a car again (however temporarily) was like that. I was like that character from The Fast Show: aren’t cars brilliant?! They wait outside your house and then when you want to go somewhere you can just get in and drive off! Brilliant!
But then we had to give it back. A sad day indeed. But we’ve since hired a car again (*cough* Intack) to take me to a book event in Chester (*note from Laura – Get you and your ‘book event’*) and booked it for two days so we could make our favourite family trip to Lancaster. It’s good to know that we have easy and inexpensive access to a reliable car whenever we need one and it certainly works out a lot cheaper than having a car of our own. The only problem is that David won’t let us eat in a hire car. Not even cheese.
–
Keris Stainton
Debut novel DELLA SAYS: OMG! out now
“Confidence-boosty sex-positive first love goodness. This could be the Forever of the 21st century, girls…” - Susie Day, author of Big Woo! and Girl Meets Cake
http://www.twitter.com/keris
http://www.keris-stainton.com
Read MoreCarless Whispers – In which Keris takes on Mrs Thatcher, and thinks carlessness is genetic.
Just after David’s car packed up and we became carless (should that be “car-free”?), David read the following quote from former Prime Minister Margaret Thatcher:
“A man who, beyond the age of 30, finds himself on a bus can count himself as a failure.”*
Well she was just a treat, wasn’t she?! But I somewhat take her point. I mean, we can’t exactly consider ourselves a great success, can we? It’s not as if we’ve chosen to give up our cars and use the bus, that would perhaps be admirable. No, we’re using the bus because, at the moment, we can’t afford a car. David’s just turned 40, I’m 40 next year and, yes, I’d kind of hoped that by this point we’d be in a better financial position. But it made me think…
A while ago, me and my sister were talking about how we never seem to have enough money and wondering if it’s as a result of how we grew up. Mum and dad were fine (not rich, but comfortable) until my dad was made redundant when I was in my early teens and from then on, it was a struggle. I actually don’t have any good money memories and I can’t help wondering (in a Carrie Bradshaw style…) if that’s why I struggle with money. They say you repeat childhood patterns, even the bad ones, don’t they.
It also got me thinking about cars. Growing up, Dad had a succession of cars, none of them particularly good. I remember a bright orange Nissan Sunny, a “champagne” Ford Escort, a yellow Vauxhall Viva. He never paid much for them and he drove them until they died, at which point he bought another cheap replacement. Up until now, David and I have done the same. In fact the last car we had – the Rover – was my dad’s final car. Dad has Parkinson’s and is no longer allowed to drive and so he gave the car to us. That’s how we ended up with two cars in the first place.
I know it sounds rather woo-woo and possibly utterly stupid, but I wonder if by scrapping my dad’s final car, we can also scrap the car-based pattern we’ve been copying.
I don’t care what Thatcher said, I’d consider that a success.
* Googling the quote, I found that Thatcher actually said ‘beyond the age of 26′. Now that’s a bit harsh, isn’t it?
–
Keris Stainton
Debut novel DELLA SAYS: OMG! out now
“Confidence-boosty sex-positive first love goodness. This could be the Forever of the 21st century, girls…” - Susie Day, author of Big Woo! and Girl Meets Cake
http://www.twitter.com/keris
http://www.keris-stainton.com
http://www.fiveminutespeace.co.uk
Read MoreBreville Baby Food Kit – what Keris thinks
When we had our first baby, I found the transition from bottle to solids incredibly stressful. After asking friends for advice, and spending way too long scraping boiled courgettes through a sieve, we bought a hand blender.
It wasn’t very good. It didn’t seem to blend the food, just rearranged it in the pan, livening up only to splatter the kitchen.
When I had my second baby, Joe, I was sent the Breville Baby Meal Times Set for review. I don’t know what the difference is between our old blender and the one included in this set, but this one was a revelation – from ‘proper’ grown-up food to baby slop in seconds. Completely brilliant. (It’s also very easy to clean.) 
As Joe got older, we graduated to the slower blending speed so food was ‘blended’ rather than ‘pureed’ and then we moved on to using the chopper attachment. Basically, completely foolproof.
Also included in this set is 4 pots, a spoon and a recipe book. I must admit to not using the recipe book a great deal. The blender was so great that we generally just blended up whatever adult meal we were eating. The pots, however, were great. We’re still using them now and Joe’s 19 months old. They’re the perfect size for baby meals (and can go from freezer to microwave) and now they’re the perfect size for snacks in the car.
–
Keris Stainton
Debut novel DELLA SAYS: OMG! out now
“Confidence-boosty sex-positive first love goodness. This could be the Forever of the 21st century, girls…” - Susie Day, author of Big Woo! and Girl Meets Cake
http://www.twitter.com/keris
http://www.keris-stainton.com
http://www.fiveminutespeace.co.uk
Read MoreCarless Whispers – In which Harry samples Bus Life.
Before the cars went kaput, we’d got into a routine of going swimming every Sunday. It had been a long time coming – we’d tried various local swimming pools with little success (too dirty, too inconvenient, too crowded, too small changing rooms) and had finally discovered a brand new leisure centre with family changing rooms and free family swimming on Sundays. Brilliant. But a 15 minute drive away.
Harry was keen to keep going and we didn’t want to disappoint him, so it would have to be the bus. I decided to stay at home with Joe (who was usually at the end of his tether post-swim anyway, without adding two bus trips to the schedule – and what would we do with the pram?) and David and Harry set off on the 15 minute walk to the correct bus stop. It was a great success, but between walking to and from the bus stop, waiting for the buses and then the journeys, they were away for four hours. That’s a pretty big chunk out of a weekend that we like to spend as a family.
Another family routine is Kids AM at Vue Cinema. We don’t go every week, but we do love it. That was one thing that’s totally doable on the bus. Harry is actually a very entertaining bus companion. He chatters away and actually enjoys the novelty of a bus journey. It was that novelty that made me think going without a car could actually be a good thing, for Harry at least. New experiences and all that. And when he’s complained about the car situation, I’ve done the ‘you’re very lucky to have had a car! Lots of families don’t have cars!’ thing. I got a bus when I was his age, what’s the problem?
Well one problem is the other people on the bus. On the way there, a man started talking to us about the next town along and made a racist remark, which thankfully went over Harry’s head, but which I could still do without him being subjected to. On the way back – bearing in mind it was about noon – there was an extremely drunk bloke yelling and telling dodgy stories.
“He’s very loud,” Harry said. “I hope he gets off soon.”
He did. He got off at the pub.
I resisted the urge to join him.
–
Keris Stainton
(you can read more in the Carless Whispers series by clickety clicking on the image above)
Debut novel DELLA SAYS: OMG! out now
“Confidence-boosty sex-positive first love goodness. This could be the Forever of the 21st century, girls…” - Susie Day, author of Big Woo! and Girl Meets Cake
http://www.twitter.com/keris
http://www.keris-stainton.com
http://www.fiveminutespeace.co.uk
Read MoreDeath By Peanut Butter. Or not.
I love peanut butter. I’ve been known to eat it direct from the jar. Not lately, obviously, I’m much too mature and sensible for that (*cough*) but it’s definitely one of my favourite foods. I particularly love it with jam, like the fake-American I am. Over the years, I think I’ve tried every brand. Some are too oily. Some are too salty. Some aren’t salty enough. Whole Earth peanut butter is, as Goldilocks would say, just right. So when they offered to send me two jars – one crunchy, one smooth – I did a little happy dance.
I would have been perfectly happy keeping it all for myself, but since it was sent to me as a “mummy blogger”, I thought I’d better let my kids eat some. But my 6-year-old wouldn’t even countenance it. This may be because I spent probably the first half of his life yelling at him to keep away from anything with a suggestion of ‘nut’. So I tricked him. I gave him toast with a very thin layer of smooth peanut butter and he ate some happily… before squinting at me and asking if there was peanuts in it. When I told him there was, he refused to touch it again. Foiled.
Fortunately, not everyone in this house is quite so suspicious. But I must admit I was a bit nervous about introducing 20-month-old Joe to peanut butter. What if he had a reaction? We currently have no car – how would I get him to the hospital? When I started thinking that the only safe way to introduce peanuts was to do it standing outside A&E just in case, I got a grip and put a thin layer of smooth peanut butter on some toast. Joe isn’t a big fan of toast so I hoped it might encourage him. And he loved the peanut butter – he licked it all off and threw the soggy toast on the floor.
(And he was fine, of course.)
–
Keris Stainton
Debut novel DELLA SAYS: OMG! out now
“Confidence-boosty sex-positive first love goodness. This could be the Forever of the 21st century, girls…” - Susie Day, author of Big Woo! and Girl Meets Cake
http://www.twitter.com/keris
http://www.keris-stainton.com
http://www.fiveminutespeace.co.uk
Read MoreCarless Whispers – In Which Keris Actually Realises What Carless Means.
As we suspected, David’s car was done for. Not completely beyond repair, but bad (and expensive) enough that the mechanic suggested it wouldn’t be worth doing. And when a mechanic is telling you not to bother, you don’t bother.
We’re lucky in that David only works 20 minutes away and can get a bus there from the end of our road (the buses back are a little trickier, but still doable). The fare is pretty steep – £25 per week – but we’d be saving that on petrol anyway, so fine. In fact, at first I was so blinded by the savings I couldn’t think of anything else. I felt giddy with the prospect of all the spare money.
And then I thought, “But how will we GO anywhere?!”
Getting to school and work is one thing, but what about weekends? Holidays? My family lives an hour’s drive away, but it’s a right pain to get to on the bus.
What about shopping? There aren’t really any supermarkets within reasonable walking distance and there are certainly no independent shops.
Walking home from school with Harry one day, he mentioned Williamson Park in Lancaster. We love it there. We drive over the Trough of Bowland, go to the park and then drive to Morecombe for fish and chips.
Which we eat sitting in the car.
Realising we would no longer be able to head off for days out, I felt bereft.
“What are we going to do about a car?” I asked David.
He shrugged, “What can we do?”
Right.
Okay.
It’ll be… an adventure.
–
Keris Stainton
Debut novel DELLA SAYS: OMG! out now
“Confidence-boosty sex-positive first love goodness. This could be the Forever of the 21st century, girls…” - Susie Day, author of Big Woo! and Girl Meets Cake
http://www.twitter.com/keris
http://www.keris-stainton.com
http://www.fiveminutespeace.co.uk
Read MoreCarless Whispers – In which Keris loses a car. Or two.
In a new series from the little-bit-brilliant Keris Stainton (she of the weaning diary ‘Slopsville‘ fame… and rather less importantly a small amount of minor stardom as a much-touted fabulous YA author of course), Carless Whispers is a record of her family’s experience of Life Minus Car…
Once upon a time, we had two cars. Well, I say once upon a time – it was about a month ago. The MOT was due on my car (a titchy Daewoo Matiz) and my husband David said it would certainly fail. With petrol prices as they are and my insurance being pretty high since I only passed my test a few years ago, running two cars was expensive and, we decided, unnecessary. We could manage with one, we said. We’d managed with one up until a year ago when my dad found he could no longer drive for health reasons and gave us his Rover. It would mean doing the school run on foot, but I could do with the exercise. It’d be fine.
So we scrapped my car. I was surprised at how emotional it was. I felt guilty, thinking I should have tried the MOT – maybe the car wasn’t as bad as we thought. Maybe it would have passed. I should at least have given it a chance! As it was put on the back of the scrap merchant’s truck, I actually cried. It had taken me a LONG time to learn to drive and it was my first car. I was going to miss it.
I started doing the school run on foot – me, my 6-year-old son Harry and 20-month-old Joe in his buggy. It’s about a half hour walk each way, but it was good. We had fun. A few times when I picked Harry up, it was raining heavily so I phoned David, who works just 20 minutes drive away and finishes at 4, and we waited in the library for him to pick us up. We were saving money on insurance and petrol, had got £60 back on the Road Tax and £80 scrap for the car. It was all working out very well. (Did you just hear the “sod’s law” alarm going off?)
After a couple of weeks, we were driving up to David’s parents to drop the boys off for the night. David was going out with work colleagues and I’d planned an indulgent evening of Friends repeats and a Chinese takeaway. As we headed up quite a steep hill to their house, the car started making a strange rattling sound.
“That’s not a happy sound,” I said.
“Nope,” David agreed. He seemed to be having trouble changing gear.
“Has it been doing that for a while?” I asked.
“Just started,” David said.
We made it up the hill, but the rattling continued on the flat. We turned a corner and headed up another, smaller hill. We got to the top, stopped at the junction and… the car died.
“Great,” David said.
“Is that smoke?” I asked, pointing at the front of the car.
David rolled the car back to the kerb and parked it. I hauled the boys and their bags out of the back. We walked the last five minutes to the in-laws’ house.
“Maybe it’s nothing,” I said.
But we knew.
We all knew.
Even Harry said, “What are we going to do about a car NOW?”
Good question.
–
Keris Stainton
Debut novel DELLA SAYS: OMG! out now
“Confidence-boosty sex-positive first love goodness. This could be the Forever of the 21st century, girls…” - Susie Day, author of Big Woo! and Girl Meets Cake
http://www.twitter.com/keris
http://www.keris-stainton.com
http://www.fiveminutespeace.co.uk
Read MoreMassage in baggy undies.
A couple of weeks ago, I went for a massage. I haven’t had one for a while. I’ve never been much of a massage person, but after I had my first child (6 years ago), I was desperate for one. It was (apart from the baby) pretty much all I could think about. I felt beaten up and out of touch with my body (having mostly seen it as a receptacle for someone else’s body 
for nine months). When Harry was about two weeks old, I found a masseur – he was in his 50s, a former fireman. He had a handlebar moustache, tattooed arms like hams and he gave me a completely brilliant massage. But I haven’t had one as good since.
So when Wahanda offered me one, I jumped at the chance. Okay, maybe I didn’t exactly jump, but I perked right up in my seat and went “Ooh!”
On the way to my appointment (I went to Essential Spa, Manchester, but Wahanda are country wide), I started to worry about saggy knickers and unshaven legs, etc. (and by “etc.” I mean unshaven everything), but once I got there and had a chat with Caroline the masseur, I relaxed. She left me alone to get undressed and once I was down to the aforementioned baggy drawers, I found that she hadn’t lowered the massage table. I had to clamber up, legs and boobs akimbo. It wasn’t pretty. Or dignified.
But once the massage started, I was able to forget about the prospect of CCTV and security guards clutching their sides with mirth (I know there’s unlikely to be CCTV in a treatment room, but when you’ve just had to clamber onto a table in your pants, you feel paranoid) and relax.
In the past, I’ve had massages in which the masseur has concentrated on, say, my shoulders and I’ve been lying there thinking “Do my neck. Do my neck. DO MY NECK!” Or they’ve been pummelling away on my legs, while all I could think about was how stiff my heels were (my heels are often stiff because in reflexology they correlate to the coccyx and I spend all day sitting on my behind), but with Caroline, I didn’t feel like anything was left out. At the end of the massage – which lasted about an hour – I was utterly relaxed and as floppy as a rag. Once she’d given me a glass of water and left me alone to get dressed, I slid right off the table like an omelette out of a pan. (Yeah, okay, not like any omelette I’ve ever made. Shut up.)
Afterwards, Caroline told me that I was “wound up like a clockwork duck”, particularly my lower back and my shoulders – which seems completely reasonable since I almost never relax and spend all day either sitting in front of a computer or pushing a pram – and recommended I return for a hot stone massage. I don’t know whether that’s something I genuinely need or whether Caroline was just trying to squeeze another booking out of me, but she didn’t give me the hard sell and I can’t remember the last time I felt so relaxed, so I’ll certainly be going back. But next time I’ll put on nicer undies. And maybe take a little step-stool.
*
Wahanda MobDeals are rather brilliant. When you sign up, you get £5 off your first purchase http://www.wahanda.com/mobdeal/uk/ and the offers are great too. For example, A Pamper Day worth £47 for £15 or an Osteopathy session worth £60 for £25. And they’re all over the country.
Keris Stainton
Debut novel DELLA SAYS: OMG! out now
“Confidence-boosty sex-positive first love goodness. This could be the Forever of the 21st century, girls…” - Susie Day, author of Big Woo! and Girl Meets Cake
http://www.twitter.com/keris
http://www.keris-stainton.com
http://www.fiveminutespeace.co.uk
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